There are 7 common relationship problems and solutions for couples that I’ve seen happened way too often.

Not only will this create a toxic environment for the two, but it can also feather down to their offspring if they have any.

I am currently married to the same man for eleven years, but we have been together for fourteen years. Was it always perfect? Nothing is ever perfect. Through trials and tribulations, you begin to understand and meet the needs of one another. When things get tough, you have to reflect back on why you are together in the first place.


Miscommunication

I am someone who needs a lot of space to do the things that I want to do. My husband gives me that space even though he would pout and mope at times. I do not run off to do things for myself. The times that I need for myself are basically work-related.

I am an idea person, so there will be times when I need to sit in a quiet room and think to myself.

Without setting boundaries with each other and having a clear path of communication, there will always be issues. If the couple does not understand each other, the relationship will never work. Everyone is different. There will always be that one person who prefers the intimacy and quality time, while there are some who know they are in a relationship but prefer alone time for personal reasons.

I suggest reading the 5 Love Language by Gary Chapman.

This book was given to me during the time my husband was on his first tour to serve the country. Our communication was kept to a minimum, but this was during the time we both did not know how to understand one another. Reading this book, it helps me understand what our languages were and why we agree or disagree on many levels.

Personality Type: An Owner’s Manual by Lenore Thompson is also a great read. If you are ever interested in personal development, reading more about the different types of personalities will not only help you understand different ways to communicate, but it will also help you if you want to understand a little more about why you do certain things.


Mismanagement of Fundings

A big issue that I see in most relationships is the whole “my money, your money” conversation. I must admit that my relationship was and is still there. I am moved into a place where whatever I make is usually financing my family, but my husband has the mentality of what’s his is his. We are weaning him off that train of thought.

When you are in a relationship, both parties should be aware of where the money is going especially if you are married or starting a life together.

When a surprise kicks in or one spends more than the other, there will be resentment. It is worst when both parties are not good with money and relies solely on the other to deal with everything.

Whether we like it or not, money has been a sensitive subject even in a serious relationship because there will always be a judgment on where money is being spent or how it is being spent. No one person enjoys being told by someone else how to use the money that they earn or receive.

Then there is the myth of marriage meaning that your money is never yours anymore. It is a shared property now. I have seen people lash out over the idea because one partner would do more than the other while complaining the most.

My suggestion is this. Getting rid of the traditional aspect of money is merged during matrimony and replacing it with both parties contributing to the family financially. When both parties are doing something to help with the finances, there will be less resentment.

I cannot promise you that this type of dynamic will change anything since it all has to do with the couple and how well they compromise. If both parties are insecure, they will find a way to argue about money, whether it is ‘who makes more than who?” or “One person should give the other person X-amount of money” to make up for their own insufficiency. This type of behavior is a story for another article because it leans more towards toxicity and neither party should be together if that is the case. Not only is not bad for your mental health. It can spiral one person into a different type of person.


Bad Habits

If there are habits that one cannot tolerate, it is best to work around them with each other. Sometimes when someone cannot tolerate a habit after being together for so long, it may be something else that is bothering them. The habit is just a reason to create tension.

Sometimes when the habit was always there and one party wants to ignore it because they believe by letting it on, they are just being sensitive towards the other person’s feelings.

It can also escalate into a future fight, leading to a bad taste in the mouth.

If a habit occurs that you do not like, it is easier to lay it all out and let them know. If they said they understand and yet, there is no change. You might want to question how well they care about how you feel about it.


Compromising

I always say that a relationship takes work and a lot of compromises, but it should never be one-sided. If your partner truly wants to be in a relationship with you, they should consider trying to make you comfortable even if it means that they’ll have to make some sort of change. The same goes for you. If your partner is not comfortable with some things that you do, you should always put yourself in their shoes to see why they would feel the way that they do.

If the request is unreasonable, then explain to them why you believe it is unreasonable and try to work around that.

Some reasonable requests include:

1. helping around the house if they are home

2. Take out the trash if they have never done it before

3. Put away laundry if you are busy

Some unreasonable requests would be:

1. Stop seeing your family because they do not like them

2. Stop talking to friends, especially ones of the opposite sex

3. They need to know where you are always

You want to compromise on things that work for both of you but do not place you in a position of losing who you are in the process. It is a red flag if your partner is too clingy or needy of your time but do not reciprocate when ask. Therefore, my advice is to never put too much of yourself into a relationship where you begin to feel like this is the only person in your life.

Yes, this includes marriages, too. You want to work together, communicate together, and love one another. You do not want to merge into one whole person, and you only have one identity. If things do not work out, it becomes harder for you to move on with your life. Trust me. I’ve seen it happen.


Insecurity

This is a tough one and I have had my fair share of dealing with relationships that were with people who were completely insecure. Most people want to believe that insecurity means that one person had betrayed the other, causing a sense of insecurity in the partner.

That is just an assumption.

Sometimes, people are born insecure, or they were left broken from a previous relationship, and they brought their baggage into the new one. If this is something that you are going through, there are ways to work around that.

If the insecurity stemmed from a previous relationship, the person may not have completely moved on from their previous relationship, so it is a path you must be careful going down. You will be compared to the old lover and that will leave you feeling insecure without any reason at all.

Most people who are insecure tend to have a chip on their shoulder or they have a need to control the situation. The situation may be you. If you cannot discuss their insecurity with them, you may want to leave that person alone.

I can tell you from experience that insecurity never leaves a person no matter how hard they try to build confidence again. This is something that they need to work on themselves. Too often I’ve seen people feel like they can fix things, so they hang around hoping they can change someone who refuses to change.


The Settled Relationship

This is actually a common problem that I see. Two lonely people get together and settle because they do not want to be alone. Their heart is not in it, so the relationship would fail from the beginning.

Then there are the couples who had a one-night stand, get pregnant, and start a family, not knowing who they were really building a family with.

If you ever find yourself in this type of relationship, a one-night stand turned relationship overnight, I suggest you create an exit plan. This is not a fairy tale or a love story because relationships do not happen overnight. If the interest was just sexual or looks over personality, you may be in for a wake-up call when those things wear off and you’ll have to get to know your new partner’s flaws and weaknesses.

Do not settle with someone who is not working out with you just because you end up pregnant or got someone pregnant. First and foremost, just don’t get with someone before you know who their family is.

Now if you met their family and you still feel like you want to settle with this person because you don’t feel like being by yourself anymore, I’d say to still have an exit plan. A rush relationship never lasts, and it will only end with someone getting hurt if the rush is over and all the steam has died down.


Intimacy

Intimacy is an important factor in a lot of relationships. It’s not just sexual. Intimacy includes spending quality time. There are times when the relationship has grown long enough, and intimacy begins to find its way onto the back burner.

One person might resent not getting the attention of the other partner and they might begin to look elsewhere. The classic case of ‘why did he/she cheat on me? What have I done wrong?’

I’m not implying that you should always focus on your partner and give them your full attention. I’m not in that seat when it comes to that. Intimacy is a problem for me as I am completely occupied all the time. I do schedule days where I spend half a day doing whatever my husband wants to do. Then when he’s finally bored, we go our separate ways and spend time on our own hobbies and such.

It is okay to put your partner on a schedule if you are busy. I have no issue with you doing that and I do not think it is impersonal. I think it’s a smart idea, especially if you have things to do. The only thing with scheduling is, that you’d need to keep to that schedule, or they need to keep to that schedule. Your time and theirs should be valued the same way.

Now if you have a clingy partner that needs to be held all day and all night, I’d suggest you nip that behavior in the bud. Humans should never have separation anxiety in their adult years. You need to have time for yourself as well as for them. It’s a balance that you need to work on and vice versa.


In Conclusion

I am speaking from my own personal experience and the experience of others around me. Common issues in relationships can mean many different things because no one person is the same. A person’s mental health can be a big player in many issues and I am an advocate for not having to stick with someone if they need help.

Hear me out.

Most people who have been told that they should seek mental health assistance usually do not want to because they do not want to admit that they have issues. Sticking around to fix someone else’s problem can become a burden to you and leave you feeling hopeless, lost, and confused if they keep pushing you away.

Detect the signs before it gets too late.

If you truly care, you should point them in the right direction and allow them to work on themselves. If you believe you are the right person to fix someone, then go for it but just remember that no one is ever going to change their behavior unless they want to.

That is my advice. Take it or leave it.

Until next time, thanks for stopping by and reading this. I appreciate your time.